Gissa job, I could do that ...

Lord Shoogly and the Apprentice wannabes

Lord Shoogly and the Apprentice wannabes

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Allan Crow takes a look at the week’s TV highlights

(Tuesday, BBC1, 9.00 p.m.)

Never judge a book by a cover they say - unless it’s the latest Apprentice wannabes.

A mere glimpse of their photo-shoot to promote the new series and I took an instant dislsike to them all. A serious, teeth-gritting, shout-at-the-telly dislike ...

My idea of hell is being trapped in an office filled with these sharp-suited, self-centred, full of themselves ego-centrics who spout utter nonsense like ‘‘I am the brand’’ and ‘‘oh, I see myself as a mix of Ghandi and the Wolf of Wall Street’’ with no obvious sense of humour or humility.

In truth, there’s little to separate them from the no-hopers who flock to get on ‘Big Brother’ other than the clothes they wear and the fact they talk sideways into their mobiles.

But, the BBC has a way of reeling you in to watch them fail in the most basic of business tasks before getting the fickle finger of fate pointed at them from Lord Shoogly across the boardroom table.

The Apprentice is much about entertainment as it is about business.

Personally I wouldn’t hire any of the candidates to park my car, so I shall enjoy watching them squirm at every opportunity before collapsing under the disdain of Nick Hewer’s raised eyebrow.

May they sign on at the buroo next week!

Not Going Out

(Friday, BBC1, 9.30 p.m.)

Old school sitcom it may be, but there is no doubting the laughs-per-line ratio in this series.

Lee Mack revels in the one liners which cover up the fact the storylines are just a backdrop to squeezing in as many gags as possible.

But, darn. it makes me laugh out every time.

Waterloo Road

(Wednesday, BBC1, 8.00 p.m.)

The show dubbed ‘Grange Hill for adults’ is back for its tenth, and final series.

Let’s be honest, it has covered every possible soap-style plot going, short of aliens abducting the kids ... but there’s still time for that to happen.

There’s a new heidy for a new term, but the old favourites are all there until the final bell is rung in around 20 weeks time.

There won’t be a dry eye in the staff room when that happens ...

Trust Me, I’m A Doctor

(Wednesday, BBC2, 8.00 p.m.)
If it isn’t cookery, then it’s medical and a chance to stick cameras into places we really dont need to see in HD.

This new series is slightly different as it follows a team of docs through different issues and asks the sort of questions folk want answers to.

Does acupunture work? How do you stop a bad bleed? Do Opal Fruits count as one of your five a day.

Y’know ... really important stuff!

Jeff Lynne’s ELO At Hyde Park

(Friday, BBC4, 10.00 p.m.)

Still kicking myself for missing out on this belter of a gig ay Hyde Park this summer.

ELO were part of my musical youth - grief, I even had their ‘Out Of The Blue’ double album in rare blue vinyl. Swapped it for a 12-inch version of the Sex Pistols and Ronnie Biggs doing ‘My Way’ and still regret doing that playground deal...

Lynne returned to Hyde Park in the company of the BBC Concert Orchestra to storm through ELO’s wonderful songbook, so shove the coffee table to one side and go just a little wild for ‘Mr Blue Sky.’

Strictly Come Dancing

(Saturday, BBC1, 6.30 p.m.)

It’s easy to see why this show is trashing XFactor - it has a warmth that the cliche-ridden karaoke show long lost.

Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman are also doing a fab job co-hosting. Bruce who?