First Person - with Gordon Holmes

Gordon Holmes, Fife Free Press
Gordon Holmes, Fife Free Press
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WELL, I do hope the halls are decked, the gentlemen are rested (merry or otherwise), and chestnuts are roasting plentifully on open fires everywhere.

For there is not long to go now until the day arrives, when extreme excess, over-indulgence and mournful cries of “I forgot the batteries!”, resonate in households up and down the land.

Yes, this is the time of joy and giving.

Of beaming smiles on wide-eyed children....

...and beaming smiles on pie-eyed adults.

Of caring and sharing.

Of grateful thanks and little white lies for presents received.

Of pulling crackers...

...and cracking pullovers.

Of fabulous feasts...

...and pinching the leftovers.

And, of course, the Doctor Who Christmas Special.

A day when the size of next month’s credit card bill, or the prospect of standing for hours in the ‘returns’ queue at Marks and Spencer, never cross your mind.

But, few days to go there may be, for some, there is still some actual shopping to be done - and this year, I unfortunately do count myself in that group.

I can blame the stomach bug which completely floored me at the weekend and prevented me from hitting the High Street, but truth be told, I’ve been even less organised than usual this year due to a variety of reasons - the main one being that I couldn’t be bothered...

Last-minute

I usually do all my shopping online but I even forgot about that until it was almost too late - and now I have to buy those ‘last-minute’ items the old fashioned way.

Still, working in a newspaper office means you are privy to all manner of press releases extolling various companies or products, and at Christmas this increases ten-fold.

So it was this week when one such release landed in the inbox talking up what it claimed was the “ideal gift for the man who has everything”.

Apparently, the ‘man who has everything’ - and if anyone ever meets this man, can you ask him what he would really like, then we can save everyone a lot of bother - wants a can of WD40...

I kid you not, there it was, in black and white in front of me, the ultimate present to unwrap on Christmas morning was the multi-purpose lubricating...er... stuff.

But then I thought about it some more and decided to check out the WD40 website and you know something... they’re right.

I am hopeless at DIY and leave fixing things to those who know what they’re doing but even I was taken in by the number of uses you can put WD40 to - over 2000 and rising at last count!

Ostrich eggs

And the website lists most of them - from the obvious lubricating and loosening qualities to marvellously obscure uses such as ‘cleaning ostrich eggs for craft purposes’, ‘stops crutches from squeaking’, and ‘frees stuck Lego blocks’, though it doesn’t say where they are stuck...

There’s even a fan club dedicated to the blue and yellow can, with chat forums and pictures and videos of it being used!

And you can even get it as a pen!

So, I’m sold. It is the perfect present for the ‘man who has everything’, cos it keeps ‘everything’ working!

Disclaimer: Mr Holmes would like to point out that he has received no renumeration from WD40 for this article and if anyone should think of buying him a can as a present, he will show them yet another use for it...

There is a lot to be said for practical gifts and I’m quite happy to be stocked up with enough socks to last me a whole year.

But at the same time, it’s nice to get a surprise or two, like the time when as a youngster I thought the black and white portable telly I was getting for my bedroom was wonky cos it was in colour ...

So I hope your stockings are full of lovely surprises this Tuesday.

Eat, drink and be merry!

For tomorrow - we pay!