I’ll be having my cake and eating it too!

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We love our love in different sizes... sang the Beautiful South many a year ago, but that’s not strictly true now is it?

Welsh songstress Charlotte Church once announced loud and proud, “If you think I’m fat, get a life!” Ms Church was a size 12 or thereabouts at the time of this bold statement. Imagine that! How dare she be ‘normal’?

Charlotte made headlines with her ‘normal figure’ protests. And although being a size 12 is most certainly average as far as statistics go, take a look in any shopping centre on a Saturday afternoon and it will tell you that a size 12 is not normal per se.

You see, I was always under the impression that a size 16 was the UK’s average. My problem is this: celebrities all parade about striving to be a size zero – surely no one can exist with a waistline that looks like it belongs to an eight-year-old?

But the size zero troops have slowly infiltrated our society using underhand tactics that dictators would be proud of. First it was shock horror that such a size was being forcefully promoted as the ‘in’ thing of the moment, especially, more so in the body obsessed LA.

We’ve always known that Victoria Beckham looks to most, a very food deprived individual, that sour face and gaunt silhouette sauntering around fashion shows in New York and Milan. No wonder she’s miserable!

Cheryl Fernandez Versini/ Tweedy/Cole or whatever she’s calling herself these days, took to social media recently to call out those that felt the need to comment on her weight – it’s even got a name – fat shaming.

She had a little pity party and explained why she had lost so much weight, and calling for fat shaming to be treated as a criminal offence.

Now, who am I to point out other people’s past mistakes, but didn’t our Char receive the sharp end of Cheryl’s tongue a few years ago about her size?

With reference to Charlotte’s Walkers Crisps advert ten years ago – “Is that the one where she’s stuffing her face? Very apt.”

Perhaps a bit of practicing what you preach is needed here, eh Cheryl?

Thin is in and the thinner you are, the better you are. Or is it? The media still continuously throw contradictions our way, you’re fat at a size 12, obese at a sixteen. At the other end of the scale, size 8 is too thin, yet someone else looks fabulous at a size 6. What happened to size ten being the holy grail of the jean size and where exactly does it all end?

And with the plethora of celeb mags lining the newsagents’ shelves, where will it end? It’s the same every week. ‘Want to look thin like so and so? Follow this diet’ or ‘dear lord, look at how skinny and frail she looks!’ It’s so repetitive it’s beginning to feel like the same mag each week with just the date changed.

All I have to say is thank God I’m not famous, because I haven’t had time to save up for Gunner the personal trainer down the gym to shout at me until my body shrinks to a size that won’t be laughed at.

I really shouldn’t be that fussed, but I just want to feel normal and eat some cake without being treated like I’ve sacrificed a small child to Satan by doing so.

But unfortunately, normal now seems to be a single digit.