Parkhill pupils explore the secret life of Santa Claus

THE HEARTY HALF-DOZEN: Taking part in our light-hearted Christmas questionnaire at Parkhill Primary School were Logan Briggs, Esther Walton, Gracie Pitt, Liam Fraser, Joe Waring and Matthew Rollo. (Photo by Walter Neilson, 4912295)
THE HEARTY HALF-DOZEN: Taking part in our light-hearted Christmas questionnaire at Parkhill Primary School were Logan Briggs, Esther Walton, Gracie Pitt, Liam Fraser, Joe Waring and Matthew Rollo. (Photo by Walter Neilson, 4912295)
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THE seven day countdown has begun....yippee!

Children everywhere are eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus but, really, other than delivering presents on Christmas Eve, what do we actually know about this international man of mystery?

Well, at the East Fife Mail, we had a stroke of luck in finding a group of experts who were only to happy to shed light on important questions such as: what does Santa wear when he goes for his well-earned summer holiday?

Meet Gracie Pitt, Matthew Rollo, Esther Walton, Liam Fraser, Logan Briggs and Joe Waring, who are all pupils at Parkhill Primary in Leven.

Esther He slides and jumps down.

Matthew: He jumps down headfirst with a rope tied around his feet....then he sneaks out the door.

Liam: He jumps down on his bum and falls on the logs.

Logan: He parks his sledge on the roof and climbs down the chimney.

Gracie: He comes down with magic dust.

Joe: He wriggles down.

What age is Santa?

Gracie: 500

Logan: 73

Liam: 67

Joe: 1000

Matthew: If he was 1000 he would definitely be dead. He’s 160.

Esther: 99

Where does Santa go for his summer holidays and what does he wear?

Esther: I think he would to Germany to speak a different language.

Joe: Jamaica and he’d wear a bikini.

Gracie: Turkey. If he wore a bikini you would be able to see his moobs.

Liam: England and he would wear Santa shorts which he doesn’t like because they make him sink in the sea.

Logan: Russia and he wears pants...and sandals.

Matthew: I think he would go to the snow Arctic.

What Christmas present would you give to Santa?

Gracie: I would give him a puppy as a helper.

Logan: A spare Santa suit in case he gets burnt climbing down the chimney.

Liam: Champagne to go out drinking with his elves.

Matthew: A Santa newspaper probably because he can read it when he gets bored making presents.

Joe: A bottle of whisky. I gave him a whole bottle last year and he drank it all. He got so drunk he forgot one of my presents.

Esther: A red cup that says ‘Thank You Very Much’ and a picture of Santa on it.

How many helpers does Santa have?

Esther: 500

Joe: 545

Matthew: 2845

Liam: 400

Logan: 1000

Gracie: 5000

What does Santa eat for his christmas dinner?

Gracie: Turkey with salad.

Logan: Chips, chicken and beans.

Liam: Pasta bolognese.

Matthew: Chicken nuggets and chips and ice cream.

Joe: Fish fingers, chips and Irn Bru.

Esther: Duck and ice cream for pudding with a toffee topping and custard.

How naughty would you have to be for Santa not to bring presents?

Esther: Smash the windows and all the ornaments - then you would be on the naughty list!

Matthew: You would probably have to eat all the food in the fridge and the freezer.

Liam: Bite the chairs.

Logan: Smash the TV.

Gracie: Tip over the chairs, tables, smash all the pictures and the lightbulbs.

Joe: You would have to rob a bank.

What would you say to Santa if you bumped into him when he was leaving you presents?

Gracie: I would give him a big hug, then I would say “Santa, you look cool!”

Logan: Get out of my house.

Liam: Why are you here? I thought you were away at someone else’s house.

Matthew: Thanks for the presents.

Joe: Hiya Santa, what’s up?

Esther: Would you like another glass of milk and something else to eat? And thanks for my presents.

How does Santa find his way to Leven?

Esther: He has magic for the reindeers and tells them where to go.

Liam: I already know this because I got a letter. He has a map and knows we live in Scotland.

Matthew: He probably has a monitor and a compass.

Logan: He goes really low down so he can see where he’s going instead of parking on the clouds.

Gracie: He’ll give his reindeers some magic, then they follow the smell of where people have been walking.

Joe: He uses satnav.