If you don’t have a ticket for the Ramsdens Cup final, there’s good and bad news.
The good news is it’s live on the telly.
The bad? Well, the commentary is in Gaelic on BBC Alba.
Now some may say it makes no difference when you’ve spent a whole season grinding your teeth listening to Sportscene on BBC1 - such wicked thoughts we couldn’t possibly entertain (much!) - but there, alas, is no Gaelic equivalent of Archie McPherson going ‘‘woof!’’ far less explaining the offside call the linesman just missed.
So, with apologies to the Gaelic community if we’ve got it wrong (English is a challenge we face on a daily basis!), here’s fifetoday’s handy online phrase book which will allow you to fully appreciate if the boy has done good ...
It is important armchair fans are comfy and that all items - beer, Pringles, remote control so no-one switches over to watch River City onminbus - are to hand on Didòmhnaich. Sorry, Sunday ...
Of course, supplies can run out, so remember the handy phrase ‘a bheil an t-acras ort?’ (are you feeling hungry?) in the hope your other half takes the hint and heads to the kitchen.
In return, it may be polite to offer ‘nì mi cupa t’ (I’ll make a cup of tea)
In the run-up to kick-off you may wish to turn to your mates and say ‘tha mi an dòchas gum bi e math.’ (I hope it will be good). Sadly there is no Gaelic for ‘‘get intae them!’
If you are at the game and fancy a saunter to the pie stall at Easter Road you may ask your mates ‘ dè ghabhas tu?’ (what will you have?)
And if some big galoot stands up and blocks your view then may we recommend a sharp yell of ‘suidh sìos!’ (sit down!)
During the game if a pundit refers to Grant Murray as a ‘ceannard’ they aren’t being rude - it’s Gaelic for boss which is as close as we could find to ‘gaffer.’
The man in black is called - steady, now - a rèitire - who blows his fead (whistle) after placing the bala (ball) on the centre spot.
With us so far? Ach, by full-time you’ll be booking a fortnight in the Western Isles and conversing easily with the locals ...
But down to the nitty gritty of cup finals.
Let us hope Raith’s play will be ‘siùbhlach’ (fluent) and that they ‘ruig’ (score), while Rangers are just ‘sgudal-’ ... that’s rubbish to you and me.
This being a cup final, there’s a fair chance of a foul or two, so the phrase ‘chan urrainn don bhalach sin a dhèanamh’ (the boy can’t do that!) should be expressed in a bewildered tone to all around who may then debate the merits of the old studs-doon-the-back-of-the-leg tackle.
Given we are playing Rangers there’s a fair chance they’ll get a ‘pian’ - penalty. Alas there is no Gaelic word for ‘dodgy’ ...!
But whatever happens, we can only repeat the words of Turnbull Hutton’s recent ‘Captain Mainwaring’ address.
Don’t panic ...!
>> Ramsdens Cup final live on BBC Alba, Sunday.
>> Matthew Elder, FFP Group head of sport, will be live tweeting throughout the day but probably in English rather than Gaelic - follow him @mattelder_FFP