Columnist: Breaking up? It isn't really hard to do ...

Traditional Algerian folk music, sedimentary rock formations in West Yorkshire or the back catalogue of Olly ‘evil incarnate’ Murs are all strong contenders, but in this instance I’m plunging headfirst into the murky untested waters of celebrity tittle-tattle.

On Tuesday afternoon the world tilted on its axis slightly as it was announced that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were to divorce. I think we’ll all remember where we were at that most sombre of moments.

The internet went into meltdown as it was revealed that Hollywood’s Mr and Mrs Perfection were to go their separate ways. Acting royalty they call ‘em, though personally I’ve always thought that she’s actually more famous for her looks than her acting. Name ten films she’s been in. Go on. Not easy is it?

Trending top worldwide on Twitter was the beyond infuriating hashtag #Brangelina (Who did that? Who was the first person who came up with the inane idea to put two celebrity names together? Whoever you are, wherever you are, I wish you nothing but misery for the rest of your life. You deserve it.) and things began to get way out of hand when OTT caterwauller supreme Adele dedicated a concert to them. So a tribute show to two people who don’t like each other any more?

You couldn’t make it up.

The aspect most irksome about celebrity couples is that they always spilt up. Some have hung in there longer than others, but it will ultimately unravel in the end. Always. I really don’t know why they bother.

There are of course some lengthy showbiz marriages, just to prove that I actually don’t know what I’m talking about. Meryl Streep has been married since 1978 and Dolly Parton since 1966. Closer to home, and even further back, we have Allan Clarke of The Hollies, married in 1964, with Gerry Marsden following him one year later.

All are still together but their respective spouses are only known, if at all, for being married to someone famous and not for actually being famous in there own right, so in my head, which is now strongly questioning why I chose this topic to write about, they don’t count. Them’s the rules.

So, Mystic Paul will now gaze into his crystal ball and confidently predict the following:

Jay-Z and Beyonce WILL get divorced;

That most stupendous of idiots Kanye West and Kim Kardashian WILL get divorced;

Emily Blunt and John Krasinski WILL get divorced;

And finally, though there are many, many more to choose from, the Beckhams WILL divorce. Oh yeah, that’s right, I said it. It’ll happen, guaranteed.

To be honest any hope I had of a Hollywood marriage ever going the distance crumbled when Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon (#Robbindon? #Saranbins?) split. Didn’t see that coming.

I really don’t think I’ll ever trust anything again.