Happy Brexit (Austerity is over)...

Austerity is over. Let the good times roll.

Theresa May, the most robotic of politicians in an era where some of them consider inadequacy a badge of honour, has signalled that all is well, and patted us all on the backs in that condescending manner unique to some of our elected members.

She told the Tory conference that people should know “their hard work has paid off” and the end is in sight – “because you made sacrifices, there are better days ahead.”

I don’t know who wrote this risible rubbish, but May ought to have sent it back with a note “try harder” before dancing on stage, in the words of one Tweeter, like a Pixar villain.

That she didn’t says everything about the gulf between politicians and the people.

If May believes austerity is genuinely over, perhaps she should pop her head round the door of Kirkcaldy Foodbank – which gets zero Government support – and ask how things are going.

Or speak to the people who live in fear of Universal Credit sanctions, or the businesses that are maxing out credit cards, and enduring horrendous stress levels, just to keep their doors open.

It also sticks in the craw that May seems to think it’s fine to pat us on the back for doing our bit to get rid of austerity, while doing little to hold to account the bankers whose greed, arrogance and recklessness cost thousands of people their jobs and brought some fine institutions to their knees.

I doubt you will see many of them worrying about sanctions or hoping the foodbank comes good to get them though the weekend with a few supplies.

But let’s grasp this rainbow and slide down its tail into the land of milk and honey May now promises.

Brexit? Pfft, mere detail.

May clearly thinks reciting “Brexit is Brexit” over and over is like a magic spell which, once cast, will protect our country from that nasty European Union which allows us freedom of movement and is a vital marketplace for our goods and services.

It was astounding to read the Daily Mail – a newspaper that would take a bullet for the PM – prepare its readers for No Deal Brexit Land by painting a picture so bleak it could have been the plot to one of those BBC post-nuclear war dramas.

Petrol in such short supply it’d lead to panic at the pumps, customs checks leading to 20-mile tailbacks on motorways, the army on stand-by for food shortages, and even sat navs crashing because they use an EU satellite network.

But hey, no deal is better than a bad deal, right?

I cannot believe for one moment these are the advantages people had in mind when they voted to leave. We are heading right over a cliff.

When a weary Johnny Rotten finished the Sex Pistols’ last gig of their US tour, he turned to his audience and asked “ever had the feeling you’ve been cheated?”

Listening to May’s ridiculous claims, watching her chaotic Brexit handling, we should all be asking the same question of her before its too late.