My solution to this idiotic political farce

Our elected officials find yet more ways daily to put their own egos above everything else at the expense of the rest of the population.

A friend on one side told me that Scotland’s democratic will only exists as part of the wider UK and we have to go along with it. A friend on the other side told me Scotland’s place in the UK is a bit like being chained to a psychopath intent on throwing themselves off a cliff. Both sound a bit harsh to me. Given that our political class are too busy jostling for the poisoned chalice that is the top job, I think there might be something in this Scottish independence idea.

Hear me out though, as it’d be a shame to split from those in the north of England with whom we have a lot in common. So we’ll offer to take them with us.

Then there’s the Midlands, of course. There’s bound to be a lot of people there who share our frustrations at the current political let-down.

Having seen a bit of the southern part of England, I can tell you there are some lovely spots there, so we’ll invite them to join our new independent nation. And of course the Welsh are always up for a laugh when they visit for the Six Nations, obviously they’ll want to come along, and we can’t let Northern Ireland feel left out. What I’m saying is; let’s just eject Westminster. We’ll start a petition to debate raising MPs’ pay, which will bring every last one of them scuttling into the building. Meanwhile, we can just cut round the Houses of Parliament and push it into the Thames and let it float out to sea. We’ll put on a free bar inside in case the cutting takes longer than expected.

Oblivious, they’ll still continue to betray each other, scramble for attention, and shout offensive remarks across the House that would get a normal person arrested.

But at least they won’t be our problem any more.