Trump? Let him in, then point ... and laugh

Pic: Lisa Ferguson
Pic: Lisa Ferguson

Almost two million people have signed a petition calling on Donald Trump to be denied an official state visit when he comes to the UK.

I know online petitions are ten a penny, and most of them go absolutely nowhere as we like, share and then get distracted by the latest video of a cat juggling kitchen knives while tap dancing.

Pic: Jane Barlow

Pic: Jane Barlow

But that’s a significant number, and, unlike the endless froth that fills social media, this one has real feeling behind it.

My only issue with the petition is the wording.

The original poster wants the state visit cancelled because it “would cause embarrassment to the Queen.’’

Heaven forbid Her Maj is left with a face that matches the colour of the velet curtains.

Pic Lisa Ferguson

Pic Lisa Ferguson

Let’s be honest, she’s polished the Buck Hoose silverware and welcomed some pretty dodgy characters over the decades.

Royal embarrassment is number 295 on the list of reasons why Trump shouldn’t be given a state visit.

He may well be the democratically elected president of America, which means he gets the best china and the full side show of horses, noblemen and children throwing petals at his feet while simpering politicians overuse the phrase ‘’special relationship.’’

But has Trump earned such an occasion?

Two million people say no. That’s pretty good for a man who hasn’t even been in office for 30 days.

By his words and deeds, Trump is offending and appalling in equal measure. The worry is he is only just warming up.

His travel ban on seven mainly Muslim countries is odious, his spinning of ‘alternate facts’ is calculated and dangerous, and his targeting of the judiciary potentially sinister.

And let’s not get started on briefing Russians, his obsession with the size of the turnout for his inauguration, his inability to remove the caps lock from his tweets, or the fact he actually cannot make a cohesive speech (Note to Trump: Simply saying ‘‘trust me, I know these things ... it’s gonna be great’’ are not words that will ever sit remotely close to JFK’s historic ‘Ich bin ein Berliner’ speech).

This week, the media reported on bizarre plans to shunt Trump’s state visit to the Midlands on the grounds that it was Brexit-land when it came to vote to quit the EU.

There was talk of a rally at the NEC where folk could buy tickets to hear Trump speak, complete with support from NFL cheerleaders. I just presumed Nigel Farage and Piers Morgan had first dibs on the pom-poms and ra-ra skirts given their adulation of the Great Buffoon.

So here’s my plan.

Roll out the red carpet. Let him parade through the heart of London, Birmingham and, indeed, every other city happy to host him and his amazing hair.

And wherever he goes, we should give kids the day off school and encourage all two million petitioners to turn out. And once safely placed behind the barriers they should laugh. And point – ‘‘look! There’s the big galoot!”

Trump would hate it and we’d make our point.

And the Queen could take the day off as well ...