Tuning in and turning off Celebrity Big Brother

Hardeep Singh Kohli, one of the housemates of Celebrity Big Brother (Pic: Channel5)
Hardeep Singh Kohli, one of the housemates of Celebrity Big Brother (Pic: Channel5)

How sad it must be to be a celebrity and sign up to appear on a reality TV show no-one cares about, or watches, any more.

The days when Big Brother captured the interest of the nation and dominated media coverage expired about a decade ago.

But the mothership of all reality shows staggers on with its celebrity version packed with folk you probably wouldn’t recognise if they walked up, shook your hand and handed you a copy of their CV.

Channel hopping the other night, I came across some American reality TV ‘star’ demanding to know ‘‘what was your storm?’’

She, of course, ‘‘owned’’ her storm. It was what defined her. Goodness knows how much that psycho-babble cost her.

Trying to discover people’s storms meant lots of in your face yelling; the sort that gives you a migraine and a good excuse to go to bed and haul the duvet over your head.

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I hope Channel5 are paying their motley band of housemates a serious wedge of cash – let’s be honest, career enhancement is not an outcome of taking part.

Hardeep Singh Kohli canned a chunk of his run at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in order to become a last-minute housemate.

I guess the Gods of Karma were in mischevous mood when they saw fit to ensure he was then put up for eviction almost straight away.

At this rate he could be back in the capital to enjoy the last week of the Fringe as a paying customer.

His wad from CBB will certainly let him stand his round at any of the bars charging over a fiver for a cider.

I doubt he’ll last long enough in the house to get much decent material for a new show.

There are surely only so many laughs you can milk from that afternoon chat you had with a human Ken doll, or how you butted heads with Psychic Sally on the issue of Scottish independence, explained away that unfortunateOne Show incident to a kidnap victim who now seems to be a celebrity, or what you really wanted to say to the Yank who demanded to know your storm.

Like every other celebrity on this show, Hardeep has missed the boat by a good decade.

No-one cares about it any more, apart from the Daily Express which still gets some poor journalist to watch the live feed and trawl witless social media commments before knocking out another story on a row which once had us chatting about it the next morning and now doesn’t even reach our radar.

And, the reality TV market has, once again, devoured its own. Contestants from Love Island and Towie see CBB as another gig to bag a decent pay day and keep their names in the magazines which, in turn, lets them milk the gravy train of personal appearances at nightclubs.

You’re talking thousands of £s per night/weekend for posing for selfies and signing autographs. It’s fame for folk with zero talent and one eye on the clock counting off their 15 minutes of fame.

One day they will emerge to tumbleweed and silence. It can’t happen too soon.