Poignant care home letter: 'Six days, 23 hours & 30 minutes until I see you again'

Parents of young adults in care feel they have been forgotten during lockdown

Lockdown restrictions have been particularly tough on families with relatives in care.

Unable to see them face to face throughout the long battle to control the the pandemic, they are now only allowed one 30-minute face to face visit once per week.

It takes place outdoors - in the garden or a gazebo in the care home grounds.

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But, those restrictions don’t just apply to elderly people in care.

They affect another group – one which feels completely forgotten. Young people in care, regardless of their age, health or medical conditions, are subject to the same rules.

And, for their parents, it is heartbreaking.

The Press has spoken to several families in this desperate situation. One worried parent shared a letter she wrote following her 30-minute allotted visit.It sums up the pain of not being able to be with their daughter as often as she needs.

It is a story which will resonate with everyone with a loved one in care during lockdown. We share it to show you are not alone.

Dear daughter,

A garden visit sounded better than a window visit but do you think it was?

I saw you twisting the neck of your t-shirt, jiggling your leg and avoiding eye contact; all the things you do at review meetings when you are anxious.

You also wanted to get a letter to show me but you were not allowed to do that.

I had a tissue in my pocket, but would have broken the rules if I had given it to you to wipe your chin. That made me sad.

The whole visit felt like that day almost 19 years ago, you were 10, when you were going for major heart surgery.

Leaving the house in plenty of time so we arrived well before the appointment time.

Filling in forms, although yesterday it was my details that were required for the visitors’ booking form.

Today it was me who had to have my temperature recorded before the visit could proceed and you could be allowed out.

I wasn’t allowed to have dad there to support me today though - one designated visitor, for 30 minutes once a week is all that is allowed.

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Like that day, once everything was checked I began to dread seeing you being led away again.

I tried to keep talking to you just as we would normally but your responses were not the same as they usually would be.

I mentioned a relative’s new house but you didn’t ask when you could go and see it or them.

You seem resigned to life as it is now because you didn’t once mention “the bloody bug” or ask when you could come and stay with us for the weekend.

In the early days of lockdown you asked every time I spoke to you.

When you were being taken down to the operating theatre I was able to kiss you, tell you I loved you and that I would see you soon.

Today I could only blow you a kiss while wearing a face covering - kisses are magic if they can get through.

It felt wrong on so many levels.

We were told the time was up and you were led away, hand firmly held in case you tried to break the social distancing rules.

I then had to get up and walk to the car but didn’t reach it before the tears started to fall just like that day so long ago when we had to leave the hospital ward. It was at least 20 minutes before I could drive away, breathing and heart rates returned to near normal.

The outcome of your surgery was never 100 percent certain so the six-seven hours of waiting was hard for dad and I.

The phone call afterwards then the rush to be by your side - people moving in the corridors to let us pass - and the relief that everything had gone to plan.

We could then both stay by your side day and night if we wanted to.

Today when you were led away I knew that the rules would have to be followed so it would be six days, 23 hours and 30 minutes before I could be two metres away from you again.

Love Mum x

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