Fife budget: Kylie, Cohen & Groundhog Day ‘chuntering from a sedentary position’

They will always disagree over who is to blame for funding shortfalls - the Westminster-Holyrood tennis game is a ritual even older than calling the minority administration a coalition; a C-word that has Labour councillors grinding their teeth as they sit on the front benches.

The budget meeting saw some delicious exchanges fly across the chamber, with just the one first half yellow card issued by Provost Jim Leishman for the misdemeanour of ‘muttering under your breath but still loud enough to be heard.’ Many veteran council-watchers expected a few more - this was a derby meeting of old rivals after all. There was a time they could barely be in the same room at the same time.

The SNP’s David Alexander got the first tackle in as he asked: “Why are we delighted with the money we can spend when Labour party folks’ faces are tripping them like reading one of Altany Craik’s books?”

“They have words in them - not for you” replied Cllr Craik whose “sexy, satanic” novels sparked one of the more unusual parliamentary selection rows of recent years.

Councillor Kathleen Leslie’s formal endorsement of Labour’s budget by the Tories brought a mumbled “nooo .. we’re shocked” from the SNP ranks, while the Lib Dems suggestion that the SNP should follow the other parties lead and reach out over its plans brought a nippy “tried that before” retort.

A point of order from Councillor John Beare - and he probably knows them inside out, and in more detail than any of the other 72 members - as mumbles continued across the chamber.

He clearly had Cllr Craik in his sights as he referred to “the spokesperson for everything whose chuntering from a sedentary position” was aimed solely at the SNP.

Provost Leishman intervened with a yellow card as Cllr Beare said “more respect should be heard” before it was back to the banter with Cllr Craig Walker branding Labour’s “Groundhog Day budget” as the day when Fifers “gather round computers and laptops to hear Punxsutawney David Ross and his colleagues.”

Sir Keir Starmer became Sir Keir Thatcher as councillors headed off down the Westminster-Holyrood road once more, before veteran Tory David Dempsey’s suggestion that Labour chuck in an extra £500,000 to sort the region’s polt-holed roads - earning claps from the SNP benches.

“Getting applause from SNP - that’s a career first,” he said as he took his seat.

Roads got them animated too, with one councillor reeling off half the street names in Kirkcaldy which are riddled with potholes. Taxi drivers probably don’t have the same knowledge of routes round the Lang Toun ...

Last word to Cllr Beare who said Labour were a party of doom and gloom, continually warning of future cuts which, he said, then didn’t materialise.

Addressing Cllr Ross, he said: “I have seen goths with a happier demeanour, Stop listening to Leonard Cohen, maybe try a little Kylie for a while …”

SNP and Labour, they just can’t get each other out of their heads…