Column: The scourge of the half and half scarf

More importantly, who buys them ahead of a big football or rugby game?

Wandering through the Grassmarket in Edinburgh on Saturday, I watched as a street hawker went into full sales mode.

“There’s yer offeeshul Scotland-England scarf – it’s got the date oan it, and one half says ‘Scotland’ and the other half says ‘England. It’s got a wee thistle and a rose an aw. Yours for a tenner, nice doing business, mate ...”

And folk started to dig deep to join the ranks of the dafties with their half-and-half scarves.

Apparently, the merchandise is aimed mainly at tourists who like a wee souvenir of the big game. Presumably they don’t go to rugby internationals very often if they really need a reminder of which two teams contested the Calcutta Cup.

But, let’s be honest, any self respecting fan of rugby, football or any sport – wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, be seen dead in such a naff hybrid.

Remmber half-and-half strips? They didn’t make it until half time, but, sadly, the scarf equivalent is now a standard feature of cup finals and major events – I’ll grant an exemption for testimonial games.

They’re always sold outside by those vendors who also specialise in knock-off tour t-shirts, and they sit in giant bin bags waiting to be wrapped round the neck of the next gullible mug. Shame they don’t tie them that little bit tighter with every passing sale...

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So, who buys them? Casual fans, corporate hingers-on who wouldn’t know a flat back four from a flat white, and probably tourists who think they’ve stumbled upon some unique sporting memento.

I read somewhere that the tribalism which defines sport is now old hat. It’s all about inclusivity, and sporting a half-and-half scarf demonstrates your modern outlook and extending the hand of friendship to the other team.

Aye right. Go wear a half-and -half scarf in the Copeland Road stand at Ibrox on Old Firm day and see how far you get. You’ll be left with one half. The other will be rammed so far even VAR wouldn’t be able to spot it.

And, I cannot imagine any self-respecting Raith Rovers fan wearing a scarf which morphed from blue to black and white.

It’s no wonder sports fans mock the notion of the half-and-half scarf for what it is – an utter abomination. You cannot support Hearts AND Hibs any more than you can urged Scotland and England to both ‘play up, chaps!’ in the Calcutta Cup. It’s utter nonsense.

Maybe we should create a special section for half-and-half scarf wearers at football matches, so we could point and mock them, or, go one step further and simply issue an outright refusal of entry until they decide which side they are supporting.

What next? Scarves supporting the referee and linesmen? Available in black and that wishy washy broon they wear. When it comes to football colours there are only two choices – wear them or not. The first politician who comes forward with a Bill to outlaw half-and-half scarves gets my vote ...